


Alex Fierro and the Thanksgiving of Doom

by JaebirdPikeri



Series: Crossing Lines [1]
Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, May contain spoilers up to BM/SotD, POV First Person, canon character death (referenced)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaebirdPikeri/pseuds/JaebirdPikeri
Summary: Set three years after Ship of the Dead.Alex decides to be moral support to Magnus when Annabeth invites him to Thanksgiving. Being in such an intimate family situation triggers a change in their deliberately undefined relationship.Other pairings may remain side or may be delved into in later.





	1. I play wingman to a sword

**Author's Note:**

> So, this initially grew out of a scene in my head where Annabeth is annoyed at Alex 'messing around' with Magnus' feelings and Magnus defending their undefined relationship. Then I kind of wanted Alex's own take on it, which is something we only get implications of in Magnus Chase as it's 1st Person. Then I'm a sucker for a long fic and also wanted to cross over some of the character and see how they'd interact.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not genderfluid. My depiction of Alex's relationship with gender is based on my understanding of the depiction given in the Magnus Chase trilogy. Any offensive or inaccurate depiction is purely accidental and I will be happy to modify or remove if truly upsetting.
> 
> Cambita/Cambito comes from what I know about the Spanish language practice of giving someone a nickname based on a characteristic of theirs with the ita/ito suffix. Cambita/Cambito is my attempt to reconcile this with "Cambio", the Spanish word for "change". It's intended to be an affectionate nickname acknowledging Alex's changeable nature, as well as Alex's grandfather acknowledging that his grandchild is genderfluid. If any native Spanish speakers know that I have done this wrong, please tell me, again it's purely accidental and the last thing I want is to butcher the language.

**Chapter One: I play wingman to a sword**

So, apparently it’s required for us Einherjar/demigods/other people screwed by magic to scrawl out heartfelt accounts of our lives every now and then. So I figure you can all hear about The Great Thanksgiving of Doom.

It started when Magnus’ sword knocked on my door in the middle of the night. No, that’s not a metaphor for a booty call (I wish) Jack (also known as Sumanbrandr, or the Sword of Summer, or the very annoying disco sword) could move and talk all on his own.

‘ _Señorita_ … Wait, _señor_ … Talk some sense into him! He’s ruining my life!’ Jack wailed, the runes on his blade flashing an agitated toxic-waste green. (That would make an _amazing_ highlight for some light up trainers…) This actually happens to me a lot. Dumb sword seems to think I’m Magnus’ keeper. (Pfft. I’d so be a beater.)

‘Jack! Leave it!’ Oooh, that _was_ weird. Magnus usually only did angry when faced with the great injustices of the world (usually reported by the kids at Chase Space these days) but today his gray eyes had a steely glint.

Usually I listen to back off signals. Contrary to popular belief, I respect people’s space. Magnus is different though. He has a strangely high tolerance for what my half sister Sam (being a good muslim girl) calls my ‘stubborn streak’ and what Mack (being a good Irish girl) calls my ‘absolute wankerness’. I want to find out how far I have to push before he snaps back.

‘Hey, Maggie, what are you doing to poor little Jack?’ I smirked at him.

‘He wants to go spend Thanksgiving with my cousin.’ Magnus huffed in exasperation and wafted an invitation at me.

‘The smart one with the hot boyfriend?’ I quipped, mostly to see if he’d get annoyed by the hot boyfriend comment.

A jealous little scowl tugged at his lips but he didn’t call me out on it. Dumbass.

I stole his invitation, naturally and read it through. It wasn’t what I’d subconsciously expected from home; an impersonal printed card crafted to show off wealth and power, inviting you to a cold, hostile evening where people would compete with their wealth and power. It was a handwritten letter, full of chatty gossip and loving questions, finishing with ‘ _and I know it might be impossible Magnus, but we’d love to have you… Bring anyone you like!_ ’

‘You should go.’ My stupid voice wobbled a little. I hadn’t seen a letter like that since my _Abuelo_ died. He used to write me notes like that every day when my bastard father wouldn’t let me see him because he was ‘a worthless influence’.

It took the hot air right out of Magnus. Unnervingly, I was never sure how much he knew or didn’t about what was going on in my head. Sometimes he’s so completely thick-headed it’s like he’s never met me. Other times it’s like he knows what I’m thinking before I do.

‘I want to go…’ Magnus sighed, running a hand through his silky fair hair. (What. I cut it for him, I’m used to it.) ‘But it’s going to be awkward. She’s got a ton of other friends going and if Blitz or Hearth come we’d have to close Chase Space, Sam definitely couldn’t and…’ He trailed off, his eyes tracing my face with that gentle, affectionate look that always set my stomach flipping.

‘Gods Chase, just ask _me_ if you’re that lonely… It can’t be worse than enduring a Thanksgiving of Jack whining that he could have been chatting up Riptide.’  I rolled my eyes at him, just in case his healer powers were letting him know that he was making my heart race a little.

‘You’d come with me? To my cousin’s thanksgiving?’ He started to smile.

‘Sure. I’m Jack’s wingman, I’m obliged to line him up hot lady swords to flirt with.’ I shrugged.

‘Thanks man.’ Magnus said drily.

‘ _Señor!_ You have saved Thanksgiving!’ Jack thanked me by serenading me with ‘Wind beneath my wings’.

Magnus, the ungrateful bastard, thanked me for agreeing to come to his cousin’s thanksgiving by abandoning me to his sword. I let the sounds wash over me and tried to picture what a ‘family’ thanksgiving might look like. All that came to mind was the scene in Brooklyn 99 when they eat take out in the police station.

Like a moment of distraction on the daily battlefield of Hotel Valhalla, this thought process led to extreme pain.

 _I’d know what to expect if he’d let me go to Abuelito’s_. _Or even just let him come._

I pushed past Jack into my room.

‘ _Señorita_?’ He called after me, stopping mid-line, but I ignored him and crawled under the bed. Most people have a photo wall in their room. It says it all that mine hide themselves in a box under my bed.

I sifted through the snaps. They used to be almost all _Abuelito_ and I but these days I have to shuffle past Sam, Magnus, Mack, Blitzen, Hearthstone, TJ, Halfborn… I finally found my favourite. I was about five and I’d dug a box of _Tia_ Maria’s old things out of a closet. ( _Tia_ Maria died as a teenager, in the same crash as _Abuelita_. I’d never met either of them, I wasn’t even born yet.)

 _Abuelito_ could have gotten mad. I’d dug up painful memories for him and his little grandchild suddenly wanted to wear his late daughter’s clothes.

Instead he just laughed. ‘Ay _Cambita_ , your Papa never lets you wear clothes like this does he? But pretty girls should be allowed to wear pretty clothes.’

It’s not like being a girl is _more_ important to me than being a guy. And I definitely don’t agree that pink skirts should just be for girls! It’s just… It’s the first time anyone helped me express that change through my clothes. My father always put me in these creepy British schoolboy outfits when I was that age.

In the photo, _Abeulito_ is holding me up and I’m holding up one of my first pottery creations, wearing _Tia_ Maria’s childhood party dress. I still remember that dress so vividly, the pale green silk embroidered with softly pink and white flowers and a flouncy skirt… Even then, it was too _normal_ but that rush of being acknowledged, that I _was_ a girl so of course I could wear a pretty dress…

‘Alex?!’

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

I forgot to close the door. I forgot to close the door and the dumb sword went running to his dumb partner and now I have to come up with an excuse for crying over old photographs like a wuss. Or maybe I could just throw something at him.

Before I could do either of those things, Magnus closed the door behind him and said softly. ‘Space?’

The answer should have been ‘Yes!’. Space was good. Space gave you room to change and there’s nothing I hate more than no room to change. Instead I shook my head and let him walk over.

He didn’t ask to see the picture, even though I could tell he was dying to look. He just sat next to me and nudged his hand against mine.

He’s hot on consent, Magnus. Not even just with me. When he goes to hug someone he always stands back a moment, arms open, giving them a chance to reject the offer. He doesn’t even try with Sam. With me… Well.

It’s been three years since we stopped Ragnarok. Three years since our first kiss. Three years of sporadic kisses and hand holding and the occasional night where one of us is plagued by nightmares so we stay up all night lying in the grass together. He still doesn’t take it for granted. He never just pulls me close or kisses me out of the blue. If he wants to start something he asks, sometimes in words or sometimes just with little gestures like this. Either way, without a nod he doesn’t go forward, which is almost suspiciously nice.

It’s like the story of the sun and the wind. Do you know that old fable? The sun and the wind are fighting over who’s stronger so they compete to get this guy’s coat off. The wind blows and tries to rip it away but can’t and the sun shines and warms him so he peels it off himself. The moral of this story is supposed to be ‘Nice people get what they want’. I pretty quickly realised it worked just as well for ‘Lots of people will be nice to you if they want to get your clothes off.’

Usually that kindness feels real and I want to trust him. I want to tell him out loud how much I like him, tell him it’s okay to kiss me out of the blue sometimes as long as he can take ‘no’ for an answer.

I also know that people can fake nice for a long time to get something, especially if that something is sex. Or control. Or both. When those memories come back that kindness starts to feel like the bait of a trap, luring me in far enough that the door can slam shut and lock me into a dank dark flat.

‘Alex?’ He said my name again, sounding seriously worried now, which might be because I’m shaking. My own fault really, let him come in when my guard’s down and then start analysing his motives and thinking about how any good manipulator knows ‘let them come to you’… I was in a full blown panic and struggling not to decapitate him again.

‘Space.’

He was hurt, which kind of made me feel better. It’s like… a good manipulator would ‘not want to guilt’ me, so they’d be all kind and accepting at the time and tell me later what a shame it was that I wouldn’t let them help. Magnus is an open book like that. He loves being let closer and hates being pushed away. It shows on his face but he doesn’t challenge me on it.

‘Okay… But if this is about Thanksgiving… You don’t have to go. I’ll be fine; I can always hide out in the kitchen.’ I almost hugged him then because he’s such a dork, getting all quietly worried that he’s being too forward.

‘It’s not. I want to go with you.’

He smiled then, and pressed a bar of chocolate into my hand before getting up and leaving.

‘Hey Beantown, are you and our resident shapeshifter sneaking around to snog?’ Mallory’s clear voice carried through the closed door.

‘She’s going to be busy for a bit.’ I could almost hear the shrug in Magnus’ voice, quietly covering my back.

I held up the chocolate and the photograph side by side, trying to imagine what _Abuelito_ would say about Magnus.  


	2. The world's deadliest rollercoaster

We spent the night before we left for New York in Chase Space. I wanted to pick up some armoured accessories I’d hired Blitzen to make for me and Magnus just wanted to see them. Plus we had to make extra preparations. Holidays like Thanksgiving are a prime time for problem kids to get thrown out or run away and every two bit thug knows it’s a great day to shake down some newbies who can’t handle themselves. So we wanted Chase Space to be ready.

‘Maybe we should stay.’ Magnus fretted. ‘Everyone else is pitching in and-’

‘Magnus!’ I grabbed his shoulders. ‘ _No_. You literally have until the end of the world to run this place. You only have a certain number of Thanksgivings left you might get to spend with Annabeth.’

 _Alex is right. Family can disappear fast._ Hearthstone signed. Even I want to hug Hearth every time I think about how he learned _that_ lesson. It worked. Magnus didn’t even try to protest. He just went back to hugging the blankets.

Oops, I should probably explain that. Okay, so, as a son of Frey, the summer god, Magnus has healing powers. Not just like medical healing, some sunshiney-spirtual shit that seeps into all the bad memories and wraps their sharp edges so they hurt less. About nine months ago, we’d been making beds together here and talking about the kids we worked with. Specifically, how ethical was it for Magnus to use those powers on them? He gets a kind of memory backwash from healing people, it’s hella invasive… but I got why he was trying to think of a loophole. We meet so many kids who suffered an unfair amount… Kids who disappear and turn up later on railway tracks or shorelines. If Magnus could give them the strength they need to keep going… Was it worse to invade their privacy or deny them that?

He was hugging the blanket while we were talking, cuddling it like a teddy bear. I wasn’t teasing him, since it was a pretty rough talk. He was getting more and more worked up about how unfair it was that he couldn’t help without barging in and he at least wanted to make this place safe and warm and comfortable… And the blanket began to glow like when he was healing. We didn’t really think anything of it, but it was put on the bed of one of our regulars – Nate. He usually screams the place down at night because he gets night terrors but that night he slept peacefully. He told us, the next day, that his comforter smelled like summer and it felt like dozing in the sunshine as a little kid again. Since then, Magnus practiced like crazy until he could do it on demand and regularly filled up as many blankets and pillows as he could.

He’s annoyingly cool sometimes.

‘What?’ Magnus frowned at me now. Perhaps because I’d unwisely stared at him thinking about how cool he was.

‘You should let me cut your hair before we get on the train. You look like Otis nibbled it.’ I blurted the first thing that came to mind.

‘Fine… Just let me pile up the blankets so I can keep prepping them.’ He shrugged, a soft pink spilling over his cheeks. He is _not_ good at hiding that he likes me cutting his hair for him. I have a sneaking suspicion he knows I think his hair’s sexy and that’s why… Sadly I have no way to know for sure without telling him his hair’s sexy.

I fetch the little cape and hair cutting set we keep at Chase Space for kids who haven’t had the chance to get stuff like that in a while. Magnus’ hair, like the rest of him, smells like a mountain in late July and chocolate and a florist shop all bundled into one. I usually play around with his hair; he’s let me try out a _lot_ on him… but I keep coming back to shortish and fringe flopping into his eyes. It suits him.

‘Okay. You’re no longer ugly enough to make Percy’s little sister cry.’ I declared.

He rolled his eyes. ‘If she can even see me after being blinded by those sequins.’

I tossed my hair at him and doodled new patterns on my shirt. I’d found tons of those reversible sequins in pink and green and covered a sweater in them. Obviously, this meant I needed lime skinny jeans and pink sparkly high tops to go with it, but Blitzen’s indigo chain mail belt really tied it all together.

‘You’re just jealous.’

‘That I didn’t have the foresight to turn myself into an etch-a-sketch?’

We continued trading snark until we’d prepared an extra twenty eight beds and filled them with the healing buzz. Then we were too busy being hugged by emotional dwarves and elves. (You’d have thought we were going on another Ragnarok cruise, not a train down the east coast.)

Someone had considerately jammed a window open on the train, which left the carriage cold enough that I gave up and used Magnus as a hot water bottle. Being held in the cold always brought me back to our first kiss. I hadn’t kissed anyone since Adrian and I didn’t really want Magnus to know I liked him… But I couldn’t stand the thought of dying while hiding like a coward. You’d think my main memory of that day would be the pain of hypothermia but all that stands out is how even in that land of eternal winter he tasted like picnics and beach days.

I must have dozed off because I woke up curled into a ball (as usual), Magnus’ winter coat wrapped around me and his chest pressed to my cheek.

‘You tasted good.’ I mumbled, still half asleep.

Magnus laughed. ‘Sure… Why not sleep a bit more? It’s only been an hour.’

‘Mmm…’ I probably would have done if I hadn’t heard a burst of laughter from the other side of the carriage.

‘Yeah. Keep her covered up mate!’

Anger flooded through me. I might hate my mom… But she did give me some cool powers, including the ability to look someone up and down and know _exactly_ where to hit.

I stood up, posed like a drag queen and blew the lout a kiss. ‘Jealous, little mouse? Wish you could trade in that nice safe football sweater for something sparklier?’

He turned purple, which effectively brightened up his frat boy look.  

I threw myself back in my seat, cold again but too stubborn to ‘cover up’. Magnus touched my hand lightly.

‘What?’ I snapped. Internally, I winced. You’d think three years in a family who accepted me would at least let me turn the spikes off for them. Nope, _any_ enemy in the area and I turn into Poison Tongue, just like Mummy Dearest.

‘That wasn’t why.’ He murmured, for only me to hear.

‘What wasn’t why now?’

‘I put the coat over you when you fell asleep because you were shivering.’ He explained.

 _Ohhh…_ I got it now. Magnus was worried about the ‘keep her covered’ line.

I squeezed his hand, unable to think of a less soppy way to tell him that I knew that. I may have, occasionally, dressed in a way I _know_ is ugly and loud to test the limits of how far I can go before he tries to control me. Or at least gets embarrassed to be seen with me. So far, even if he hates the whole look so much he goes a little green when he sees it, he’s happy to flirt with me, public and private.

That would be a lovely note to end our journey on, wouldn’t it? Sadly, this was the moment that the train went into a tunnel and we heard a low canine snarl. Magnus called on Jack at once (he’s petrified of wolves, which translates to a moderate wariness around anything canine usually) and by the light of his blade I could make out a hulking shape, about the size of a grizzly bear.

‘Seriously? A fight? I need to work on my opening line for Riptide!’ Jack complained bitterly.

Weirdly, the purple-faced moron had been squaring up to the big thing. He didn’t turn at the new voice; but his head jerked in our direction at ‘Riptide’.

The train emerged from the tunnel and we all took stock.

Me; armed with a golden wire. Contemplating some grizzly-on-grizzly action until I realise that the creature is actually a giant mastiff. Trying to avoid death flashbacks.

Magnus; pale. Has not thought to grab the hilt of his sword. Probably in mid-wolf freak out and in need of protection.

Jack; grumpy. Probably worrying about getting scuffed up before going to meet Riptide.

Moron; gaping at the floating sword. Weirdly not affected by the glamour. Also seemed to be the main focus of:

Monster; snarling.

Don’t you hate when you’re forced to ally yourself with the undeserving?

I gave Moron a little nod and charged, leaping on the mastiff’s back and beginning to choke it.

‘NO! DON’T HOLD ONTO IT!’ Moron screamed.

Before I could ask why, we entered another tunnel, plunged into darkness and I felt a lurch. You know that moment when a rollercoaster tips over the crest of a peak? There was a lurch like that and I jerked forward, pulled so hard it felt like my arms would dislocate. This went on for several seconds and stopped abruptly, sending me flying over the head of the mastiff and crashing down. My eyes strained against the gloom. I seemed to be lying in some dead grass, surrounded by large dark shapes. They gurgled and huffed and my throat closed up in panic. I was surrounded by a pack of monsters somewhere I couldn’t see and when I was thrown I’d lost my grip on my garotte.

The largest of the shapes bayed, sounding more like a bloodhound that a mastiff. The others joined in. Maybe as a result of time spent as various canines or just the wolf fixation with Valhalla, I understood: a hunter had been sent to bring food for the pack and I was the prey.


	3. Why can't Estelle have green hair?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Alex's views on the Disney company are intended to reflect behaviours of the character, not cast aspersions on the reputation of said company. The song mentioned is, as far as I'm aware, property of Shakira.

** Chapter Three: Why can’t Estelle have green hair? **

There wouldn’t be any Valhalla this time. My death would not be brave or heroic. I knew that; but damn if I wasn’t going to take as many of them down with me as I could. I transformed into the biggest bear I could manage, roared from my gut and barrelled at the leader. It was still bigger than me but I caught it off guard and swiped at its eyes, smashing our skulls together. I rounded on the next nearest while the leader was stunned and slammed a massive paw into its side. A third must have jumped on me from behind because my back was ripped open by claws.

_So what? Lindwyrm acid hurts worse._

I kept swiping and charging and roaring but in my head I wasn’t there at all. It’s my private trick to keep Mummy Dearest out of my head when I’m changing; _most_ of my brain goes full animal but there’s a tiny little core where I seize on some memory to keep me human. I was back at my most recent birthday party in the little lounge on Floor Nineteen. Sam had come to visit despite her retirement. Blitzen and Hearthstone had done a serious tango to Jack’s karaoke version of Shakira’s “Objection”. Magnus had managed to get a cake baked in about twenty different flavours so it could be ‘ _almost_ as surprising as Alex herself’. We’d danced and sang and played video games and nobody had screamed that I was a disappointment or tried to mug me.

I held onto that memory. I wasn’t letting Hela take it. She could do her worst (and she’s such a daddy’s girl, I was certain she would) but I wouldn’t let her get to me.

‘SIT!’ A low, icy voice split the air. All the monsters obeyed at once, ears flattening submissively.

For a moment, I almost did the same. You don’t survive on the streets without learning to size people up and that voice belonged to someone I would _not_ have an easy time with. I also don’t do submissive. I changed back, snatched up my garotte and glared at the two figures who’d appeared.

The one who spoke was a guy, maybe seventeen, eighteen. I would have thought I’d gone colourblind he was so black and white except he wore a golden pendant shaped like the sun against a pair of angel wings. His irises looked exactly like the fallout when I smashed one of my stepmother’s precious glass vases. He was holding a pitch black sword that had an insidious purple glow, like it could seep away the light itself.

Next to him was a girl, around the same age. Extremely pretty with glossy dark skin and warm brown hair. She seemed an absurd match up for this gloomy, hopeless place with her vibrant eyes and concerned expression and yet I could feel some part of her connect with it.

‘Alex? Alex Fierro?’ She spoke next, her voice soft and soothing. ‘My name’s Hazel Levesque and this is my brother, Nico. We’re friends of Percy and Annabeth… Magnus told us all what happened and we came to get you.’

I didn’t know what to think. It was a logical excuse but I’d dealt with enough giants to know they could easily weave words into illusions. It was too convenient… I just _happen_ to get catcalled by a guy who attracts a deathly hound which drags me to an unknown darkness when I attack it, and now friends of the people we’re going to see come to rescue me in the nick of time?

‘She doesn’t trust us Hazel.’ The boy spoke again, still glaring at the pack.

‘He.’ I corrected him.

‘Mm, Percy mentioned you were genderfluid… Magnus called you a girl when he arrived, sorry.’ Hazel spoke quickly.

‘He also said if you didn’t trust us we should ask if you need any grenades.’ Nico added.

Relief flooded me. Since we dealt with a lot of liars, Magnus and I had set up a secret password based on an episode of _Doctor Who_ we’d watched together.

‘Did he actually say ‘help’?’ I pushed, just in case it was still a trap.

‘He might’ve said help.’ Nico grinned as he completed the passcode, switching alarmingly from terrifying warrior to amused kid. Clearly he got the reference.

‘So… Why you two?’ I walked over to them carefully.

‘This is our dad’s domain, we’re the best equipped to get here, not die, save you… all that crap.’ Nico shrugged.

‘Are you hurt?’ Hazel asked, touching my arm gently.

‘He was savaged by hellhounds Hazel. Of course he’s hurt!’ Despite how little they looked alike, this exchange assured me these two were indeed siblings. _Our dad’s domain_ … Demigods. Greek presumably, if they’re friends of Annabeth although Magnus _did_ say his cousin knew Roman and Egyptian demigods too. I also liked that they weren’t sticking to ‘she’.

‘I’ll be fine… Can we just get out of here?’

‘Depends… Did you eat anything?’ A collection of myths I’d read as a kid stuck out in my mind. _Yep, definitely Greek/Roman… And the underworld._

‘Nope. Bit a few chunks of hellhound off but you don’t swallow everything that goes in your mouth.’ I quipped.

Hazel blushed. Nico snorted with laughter, causing his sword to lurch which caused the hellhound pack to flee into the darkness.

They each grabbed one of my arms. I felt the rollercoaster sensation again and suddenly I was in a perfectly normal living room. There was a large painting of a coastline hanging above a fake fireplace. The mantle was lined with pictures of Percy at various ages and a little girl I was guessing was Estelle Blofis.

I didn’t get to see much more because we were mobbed by handsome men which did _not_ happen to me last time I was brought back from death.

Hazel was swept into the arms of a man who could’ve been a Disney prince if Disney was un-racist enough to cast an Asian guy. I mean that in a good way and a bad one; she was clearly five feet and three inches of pure badassery but he was acting like he’d been terrified for her on her little jaunt.

The guy mobbing Nico wasn’t much better, but at least he had more reason for it. Outside of the dim light of the Greek underworld, Nico looked less like a minor god and more like a consumption victim. He reminded me a little of Magnus too; golden haired and giving off a soothing, sunshiney impression.

Magnus himself tapped my knee and asked: ‘Can I?’

I nodded and felt the warmth of Frey flood through my body, seeking out the cuts and bruises and soothing them. I kept hold of the memory of my birthday party so that Magnus would see only that. I looked at him properly and my stomach clenched. His shirt was ripped at the shoulder, three long gashes that still hadn’t healed dying the fabric red. His hair on that side was choppier and he had a tear in the lobe of his ear.

‘What the hell happened to you?!’ Panic made my voice harsher than I’d intended. Annabeth suddenly caught my gaze with a stern, disapproving look.

‘Squirrel.’ He said simply.

‘Squirrel!’ The catcalling moron agreed a little hysterically. He was wrapped up in a wool blanket, rocking back and forth as most people did the first time they met Ratatoskr.

Several things clicked into place. We’d been four hours out from New York when we got attacked. Magnus must have used Jack to get to the World Tree, woven the branches to get where he needed to go and wound up here… Where there happened to be underworld demigods who could follow me because an einherjar can’t just pop to someone else’s underworld.

‘Do I look like a damsel in distress to you Mags?’ I chided, but I slid off the sofa so we were face to face and kissed him.

His good arm wrapped around my waist. I must’ve been kissing him for a solid thirty seconds when a merry voice broke the silence of the room.

‘Percy? Is your extra friend staying for dinner?’

I usually make a point of not taking to someone instantly. I decided to make an exception for Sally Jackson. Any mortal who agrees to host a bunch of monster magnets for thanksgiving and who’s only response to people appearing out of thin air and popping off on jaunts to and from the underworld is to ask if she should cook for an extra person is okay in my book, especially as I could see from the clarity in her eyes that glamours meant nothing to her.

‘No Mom… Mark’s going back to Camp.’ Percy said firmly.

‘Away from that psycho!’ Mark the moron added, pointing at Magnus. Given that he’s probably the gentlest person I’ve ever met, that reduced me to helpless laughter. Since Mark had been rocking back and forth babbling about squirrels for a while, this might not have endeared me to the assembled group. Ah well.

‘Why _did_ you bring him?’ I asked.

Magnus’ soft grey eyes turned steely. ‘I didn’t know the tree would bring me here, he was the only guy around who knew what a hellhound was.’

I went quiet then, processing that Magnus had fully intended to follow me down to Hades and drag Mark down with us. He’d been ripped open by a squirrel who did way worse than wield those claws and I had a feeling he was only waiting here because couldn’t exactly force the two children of Hades to bring him along.

‘You’re an idiot Beantown.’ I kissed him again.

‘Mommy, that person has green hair.’ A small voice announced. Upon closer inspection, Sally had a toddler on her hip.

‘Yes… That’s Magnus’ special friend Alex.’ Sally explained.

‘Can _I_ have green hair?’

‘No darling, you’re too little to dye your hair.’ Sally carried the little girl (hopefully Estelle unless they just took in random kids) away, still debating the merits of green hair.

‘Okay. Since Seaweed Brain hasn’t thought to, introduction time.’ Annabeth shook her head fondly at Percy who just grinned.  Annabeth started with the girl next to her, a stunning beautiful girl who was clearly very proud of her native heritage. (I couldn’t identify the tribal symbols she was wearing, but they were prominently displayed. I made a mental note to ask her about her tribe later.) She had a soft, broken look behind her eyes. ‘This is Piper McLean.’

Piper waved and smiled slightly.

She moved to a Hispanic boy stood next to her, with curly dark hair and mischievous dark eyes. He looked very uncomfortable in his smart thanksgiving clothes, tugging nervously at the hem of his shirt to obscure a toolbelt that nobody had talked him out of. ‘This is Leo Valdez.’

‘Nice to meet you, Golden Boy and Cambito.’ He grinned awkwardly. My eyes stung at the unexpected nickname.

‘I’m Calypso.’ The next girl didn’t wait for Annabeth to introduce her. Their eyes snagged briefly with expressions of distaste. I appreciated the home-made look of her clothes. She wore her hair in a single long plait and had a calm, almost haughty expression, but I could see her hand tightly gripping Leo’s.

The next girl had a rigidity that put me off her at once. Annabeth introduced her as ‘Reyna Ramirez-Arellano’. They nodded at each other with deep mutual respect.

‘You apparently met Mark.’ Mark clearly was no more liked by this group than he was by me. I was fine with that.

‘I’m guessing Nico and Hazel introduced themselves.’

‘Dammit Annabeth, I told her my name was Balthazar!’ Nico sighed dramatically.

I played along. ‘Balthazar! You lied to me?! And after I trusted you with my life!’

He muttered something in Italian, throwing his hands up in the air. So far he’d switched from cold and ruthless, to tired and vulnerable, to sassy and playful and I’d only known him ten minutes. I liked that.

‘And his boyfriend Will Solace.’ Annabeth continued without missing a beat, clearly used to this.

‘You didn’t introduce anyone else’s boyfriend! Why only mine!’

‘Because you’re the one who’ll stab someone for not knowing.’ Will spoke up, laughing. He had a matching pendant in black and had kept his arm around Nico the whole time. There was something a little possessive in the gesture that didn’t quite fit with his otherwise sunny demeanour. I made a mental note to check that out too.

‘This is Frank Zhang.’ Annabeth added, patting the arm of the man who’d swept up Hazel. Now that I’d watched him for a few minutes, I was less off-put. He seemed less like he was underestimating her and more like he’d noticed what I hadn’t; that being in the Underworld had sent Hazel into fits of shivers.

‘We were supposed to be joined by Grover and Juniper but they couldn’t make it… Lord of the Wild stuff.’ Annabeth finished with a shrug. ‘And this is my cousin, Magnus, and his…’ Annabeth looked meaningfully at Magnus here.

Magnus shot her a back off look and finished the sentence with: ‘sword, Jack.’ Gesturing at the still bobbing sword. ‘And this is Alex Fierro, for anyone who hasn’t met him yet.’


	4. I should get an 'I'm not the ambassador of genderfluidity' badge

** Chapter Four: I should get a ‘Not the ambassador of genderfluidity’ badge **

One disadvantage of Thansgiving for thirteen people (Mark left) in a smallish two-bedroom apartment; there was no getting alone time. Even the coat closet had been appropriated by the weaponry. (Jack insisted they had a sub-party. Nobody questioned him.)

I wanted to ask Magnus what the whole ‘my sword Jack’ thing had been about but I didn’t particularly want to do that with an audience of nosy demigods. I also kind of expected him to be clinging to me the whole time; he’s not exactly a social butterfly. In Hotel Valhalla, I can count the number of einherjar he’s friendly with who _aren’t_ from our hallway on one hand. Maybe Annabeth made him brave. Maybe he has a Greek (and Roman I guess) fetish. Maybe they were all just impressed that he’d dropped from the sky with a traumatised Mark. Whatever the reason, he seemed to end up in a comfortable chat with Hazel and Percy about horses right away. I am not a horsey person.

My first thought was that I’d chat to Nico some more, but he’d gone over to Leo and I didn’t fancy explaining the whole ‘don’t use the same nickname my dead _abuelo_ had for me’ thing. I also didn’t feel like going to join Annabeth (who was being hostile), Rigid-Reyna and Prince Frank just yet. That left me approaching Piper and Calypso, who seemed to be quietly exchanging news.

‘Hey.’ I waved.

‘Hi Alex… So, Annabeth told us you’re a shapeshifter?’ Piper tucked a lock of glossy brown hair behind her ear. ‘That’s pretty cool.’

I shrugged. ‘Standard Loki powers… What did you two get?’

‘I’m no demigod. I’m a sorceress.’ Calypso’s chin jutted proudly. I could respect someone reclaiming their identity, even if I didn’t know why the distinction mattered to her.

‘Sorry, you’re a sorceress… I only really know about Rune magic, from Hearth… What’s your magic like?’

Calypso went off into an explanation of her air magic. I also got to hear a lot about Piper’s Cherokee heritage. Somewhere in midst we started trying to convince Calypso she’d look amazing with some pink streaks in her hair. I ended up telling the story of my brief marriage, managing to make it sound light enough to keep them in fits.

‘It’s sweet though.’ Piper wheezed, managing to subdue her giggles. ‘That your sister wouldn’t even fake-marry someone else. She’s lucky.’

Calypso took Piper’s hand then, murmuring something soft. I kept quiet, deciding to be tactful. Nobody had told me specifically, but one name kept cropping up in people’s stories of someone who _wasn’t_ here for thanksgiving; Jason Grace. Piper in particular brought him up again and again, like she was trying to carve his presence into the memory. I’ve been there.

‘Speaking of fake-marrying… Did Magnus get jealous? Or was this before you got together?’ Piper’s voice was falsely bright. I knew she was trying hard, so I didn’t pick her apart.

I just shrugged. ‘We’re not really together.’ _Together_ was, in my experience, pointless. People cheated and lied and broke up… Together was just a label people used to comfort themselves, pretend they could stop things changing.

‘If you thank everyone who helps you like that, I’m surprised Nico didn’t kill you and leave you down in the underworld.’ Calypso commented.

‘I don’t.’ Irritation was starting to build up like it always did when people pried into my business. ‘I’m going to see if they need an extra player.’ (At some point, Leo had built a working games console and hooked it up. That was probably the third coolest demigod power I’d ever seen.)

‘Oh thank goodness.’ Leo flung his arms up dramatically. ‘These two are tag-teaming me, help me _Cambito_!’

‘ _Cambita.’_ I corrected him.

‘How do you know?’ He half frowned at me.

‘What this idiot is trying to say,’ Nico broke in, perhaps realising I was considering smacking Leo, ‘is that he’s obsessed with how things work mechanically and he wants to know what changes to tell you if you’re a guy or a girl.’

‘I’m not the Ambassador of the Great Genderfluid Empire… For all I know it’s different for everyone. For me… it itches.’ I shrugged. ‘When my shape is wrong, like when I try and spend extended time as an animal, my whole body itches. If I’m the wrong sex for my gender… it itches.’ At this point I would have been better off suffering horsey-talk…

‘But does anything else change? Do you see more shades of red? Is your stride the same? Do you find different stances easier?’ Leo’s eyes blazed with curiosity. I considered smacking him again. Maybe it _was_ written all over my face because this time Calypso came over and grabbed his arm, insisting he come fix the microwave.

Piper sauntered over and grabbed Leo’s controller. ‘Free for all?’

‘You’re dead McLean!’ Nico lit up.

‘Sure.’ I grabbed the spare.

Will was playing too, but seemed on autopilot and was pretty easily trashed.

I gave in after eight games. ‘Do you have questions too or something?’

‘Not for you… I was wondering how it would feel for someone who _wasn’t_ born a shapeshifter… in once sense it’s easier than being out and out transgender because you aren’t constantly in the wrong body but there’s also no way to correct it…’ Will sucked his teeth.

‘He’s our camp doctor.’ Nico explained, a little wearily. ‘When he thinks of a health problem, he drives himself nuts trying to work out how to fix it.’

I moved away automatically. It’s bad enough having Magnus in my head occasionally. I mean, maybe ‘doctor’ meant just that, no healing magic involved, but who could be sure?

‘I told you, as far as I know it’s different for everyone… It might not _be_ a problem for anyone else.’ I thought of my father suddenly then. Would he have been happier if he could shift back and forth? The whole Fierro family were so connected with duality, was he always denying half of himself?

What ifs drive me nuts. Especially what ifs about my family. The old fury that usually ends in smashed pots and vases began bubbling up.

Magnus peeled away from his stable talk and gently nudged my hand. I took it, gripping on tightly.

 _When exactly did he stop being scared when I’m mad?_ I hadn’t consciously noticed until then but it had been a while since Magnus shied away from me when I was in a rage like this. When we first knew each other I could drive him away in one sentence but lately, maybe for quite a while, he only seemed to pull back for _my_ sake, not his own.

I pulled my hand back sharply. The room seemed to be shrinking and heating. My blood was beating too loudly for me to make out what anyone was saying so I shook my head in case they were addressing me. I needed more space so I shrank into a mouse and took off across the apartment, squeezing under the front door and growing into a cat to run up the stairs. The rooftop was empty, generic concrete and needed contrivances like vents, but at least I could _breathe._

I probably would have gone back down almost immediately if I hadn’t heard voices floating up from the fire escape.

‘What was that about?’ Annabeth. Sounding frustrated.

‘She was being considerate.’ And Magnus. Naturally. Because apparently, they all held him accountable for my behaviour like we’d lapsed back into the fifties.

‘Considerate?!’

‘Look… Alex is really private. She gets hacked off when people pry… She does this back home too, but there she has her own space to fall back to when she needs it.’

_He’s so observant sometimes. And such a doof._

‘And the whole ‘we’re not together’ thing?’ There was a definite edge to Annabeth’s voice this time.

‘I _told_ you she’s not my girlfriend!’

Weirdly, even though I’d been the one setting the pace and avoiding any kind of boyfriend/girlfriend/together/exclusive conversation, it stung a little bit to hear Magnus so vehement about it.

‘I thought you were being shy! _Especially_ when he started kissing you on the floor!’

Oh. _That’s_ why Annabeth had been off with me. She felt like I was messing him around.

Magnus didn’t reply for so long I started to wonder if I should awkwardly announce myself and make them squirm. I was seriously considering jumping on him as a rat when he finally spoke. ‘Look. Alex changes, all the time. Her gender, her fashion, her art, her fighting style… She doesn’t like anything staying the same too long. I know how much she cares about me. And I know how much I love her. That’s why I won’t have ‘the talk’ with her. Asking Alex to tie down to something forever… it’s asking her to change who she _is_ … Maybe one day I won’t be able to take never knowing whether she’ll kiss me or blank me and I’ll have to pull away but I don’t think you can love someone and ask them to give up a part of who they are for you!’

Even Annabeth didn’t have an answer for that. I dared peek over the edge and saw them hugging tight.

_I know how much she cares about me._

Cares.

I dropped down below the wall curled up, stuffing my fist in my mouth make sure they didn’t hear anything. I waited until I heard the window open and close down below and dragged my cellphone out of my pockets, hands trembling enough that it took me three tries to make the call.

‘Sam? Are you busy?’


	5. My sister's going to smack me straight to Helheim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief and vague, but mentions of past child abuse.

** Chapter Five: My sister is going to smack me straight to Helheim **

Sam let me pour out the pile of crazy sitting in my head. She’s good at that. When she finally spoke, it was with her cautious ‘how can I make you hear me’ voice, which is annoying because I _know_ she’s manipulating me but it’s usually good advice.

‘Alex… You remember when you compared our powers to clay?’

‘Yeah… About how if it dries out you can’t change anymore. You have to keep it fresh and fluid.’ My fingers twitched, longing for a wheel.

‘Okay but… whatever shape it’s in, it’s still clay.’ Sam sighed.

‘Huh?’

‘You always talk about liking to change. And from what you said, that’s part of why Magnus is keeping his distance.’ No wonder Sam’s go-to excuse was always tutoring, she had that teacherly way of explaining things all around the houses trying to make you fill in the blanks yourself.

‘Who says my problem isn’t that I want _more_ distance?’ I snapped.

‘Alex! Phoning me up in tears because your boyfriend said you ‘care’ about him rather than ‘love’ him is not wanting more space!’ I could see Sam as clearly as if she were actually here; glaring at me with her fiery eyes.

‘He’s not my boyfriend.’ I muttered. It was supposed to come out nonchalant and deflect the conversation. Somehow it just came out sulky.

‘Really? So if I text his cousin and ask her to set him up with a nice demigod you have no problems with that?’ I was pretty sure Sam would roll her eyes at me then.

‘Oh sure _you’d_ jump straight to the setting people up option!’ The harsh words slipped out before I could check them.

Silence hung between us, bitter and charged worse than one of Thor’s pre-fart inhales.

‘Fine. Sort it out yourself!’ Sam’s voice rose as close to yelling as I’d heard her out of battle. She hung up, cutting the connection between us.

_Stupid child! Why do you always have to be so spiteful?!_

The words were only in my memory but my hand touched my cheek as though the blow had happened once more. I wonder if my dad even knows I’m dead?

_You and I are so alike, Alex._

Mummy Dearest used to say that a lot when trying to talk me into something. Maybe he was right. Sometimes there’s a fine line between independent and cruel.

_I don’t think you’re a bitch. I think you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met._

Adrian’s soft voice and warm green eyes swam in my mind. We were so close but the ‘nicest person he’d ever met’ wasn’t enough. His whispers from Helheim came back to me.

_Please don’t let me go again Alex… I need you by my side._

‘Alex? It’s time to ea- What happened?!’

Magnus swung himself over the concrete wall edging the roof but hung back. Always sticking to the pattern I’d laid out, never getting too close.

_I don’t think you can love someone and ask them to give up a part of who they are for you!_

Had I been expecting him to give something up? Trying to ignore the fact that accepting what you’re given isn’t the same as being satisfied?

‘Hey…’ His voice was almost a whisper, uncertain and careful. ‘…What’s really getting to you? You’ve been upset since you heard about this trip.’

‘I’ve never done this.’ I blurted out, without giving myself time to think about the words.

‘Done what?’

‘Happy Thanksgiving. It was always… a weird competition where my dad lost because I wasn’t the heir he wanted so he was furious with me and my stepmother was crying because he could never resist flirting with all his business rivals’ wives.’ I rubbed my temples. ‘I don’t know how you _do_ this stuff.’

‘Thanksgiving stuff? I don’t think this is a normal one anyw-’

‘Girlfriend stuff.’ I cut off his well meaning speech. ‘ _Family_ stuff. I was _six_ when my _Abeulito_ died. After that I just looked out for me. I tried doing it for other people but I’m not like you, I can’t make things better just by being around.’ I did _not_ want to have this conversation. I wanted to throw something at him and hide alone until I had my feelings under control. I also didn’t want to run away anymore. ‘Everyone I tried to help got worse. I’m too much like my mother. Even if I’m trying to help; I encourage them to try more drink, more drugs, more… permanent solutions.’

‘Not for us.’ Magnus inched forward a little, like he was trying to approach a snarling dog. ‘You helped TJ win his challenge against that giant in York. You helped Sam learn how to resist Loki’s control. You help Mack work off her anger, you take Blitzen’s mind off it when he’s worried, you’re always there for Sam and Amir when they need a chaperone… You always tell us not to judge people, but you’re judging yourself on things you couldn’t do when you were a kid!’

I tackled him then, kissing him hard. I mean _hard_. I tasted blood, we fell onto the fire escape, I’m pretty sure I ripped my jeans. Even in my own head, I wasn’t sure if I was saying _I love you_ or _goodbye_.

‘And yet the best help I’ve ever been to you is motivating you like _that_.’ I spat out when I finally broke away from him. I turned on my heel, ready to turn into a falcon and fly as far and fast as I could, when his hands closed around my wrists. Maybe for the first time ever, certainly the first time in years, he pulled me back when I tried to run.

For the record; I don’t actually tussle with Magnus. He’s more of a healer than a fighter, in the battles he tends to support our hallmates rather than fight for his own glory. So I was a little surprised by his strength, lost my footing and fell back against him. Instinctively, I hit out in panic, expecting him to try and close me in but he just held up his hands.

‘ _Listen_ to me!’ He pleaded, gray eyes soulful and intense. ‘Alex… You mean a _lot_ more to me than those kisses. I didn’t mean- I didn’t want you to feel-’ Without Kvasir’s mead, flowery speeches are _not_ his strong point. ‘You make me braver. You make me think about things I wouldn’t notice otherwise. And more important than that you make me _happy_. Whether we’re talking about books or playing games or even just side by side drinking guava juice… I know you don’t want- But I just-’

‘How do you know what I want?’ I turned to face him and kissed him again, gently this time. His arms went around me. He still tasted slightly of blood where I’d accidentally bitten his lip. I clung to him, careful of his now-healed shoulder. ‘I love you too.’

I could tell from the star struck look on his face that he was over thinking again. He does this a lot, so I hauled him to his feet and guided him downstairs for dinner.

‘Sorry about the wait! I was lost in the view.’ I bluffed blithely as I ducked into the window. I’d apparently missed some kind of brawl, given the state of the lamp, Percy’s scorched shirt and Leo’s swollen face.

‘Oh… Let me help with those.’ Magnus snapped into healer mode.

_Typical. I make a love confession and he goes into shock and doesn’t answer me!_

Not having any helpful magic, I began sweeping up shards of lamp. ‘Are we getting kicked out for breaking the lamp?’

‘Nope. Mrs. Jackson just asked if Reyna, Frank and Hazel would help dish up.’ Nico started helping me, looking slightly shell-shocked.

I was once again slightly amazed over how well this lady could keep her cool. I lowered my voice to a whisper. ‘We aren’t getting attacked by hellhounds again, are we?’

Nico shook his head and muttered absently. ‘This is the first time Percy and Leo have seen each other since the funeral. They had stuff to shake out.’

I thought about the slight passive-aggression Calypso had directed at Annabeth. ‘Were Calypso and Percy…?’

‘Yep.’ Nico sighed. ‘But that’s the least of it. It’s not my story to tell.’

‘Sorry.’ I wrapped the shards and packed them into a garbage bag. ‘Where do I take out the trash?’

‘It’s not like I spend much time here!’ Nico snapped, suddenly defensive.

‘I’ll show you.’ Percy lead the way out into the hall, then took the bag. ‘You don’t have to come, I just thought you might want an out.’

It’s possible that my face was less than flattering. I have a lot of good things to say about Percy Jackson but observant and tactful are not on that list.

He noticed and laughed. ‘You haven’t exactly been subtle… You only came because you were worried about Magnus right?’

For some reason, the question shook me. I mean… yeah, I’d been concerned he’d get pushed out but was that _why_ I’d come? He’d managed fine the last time he came to visit Annabeth and he hadn’t even had Jack with him then.

I thought back to that visit. I’d raided Muspelheim, got a fiery sword and cut off Surt’s nose. It was pretty awesome… but my memory of it was tinged with a dull loneliness.

My face burned. _Did I say I’d come along just to spend Thanksgiving with him?_

Percy groaned. ‘Oh not again. You’re the fifth person I’ve pissed off today.’ He looked gloomy.

I seized on his problems as a thankful distraction for my own. ‘Fifth?’

He sighed. ‘Okay… She’s not raising a fuss about it because that’s not her style but Wise Girl was seriously worried about making a good impression on you. Whatever you two are, you’re a huge part of Magnus’ life; if she can’t get along with you, hanging out with him is a lot harder.’ I tried not to smile. ‘So I went and teased her about that to make her less tense but it backfired.’

‘Backfired?’

‘I joked that if you did hate her she only had to deal with it the rest of her life, Magnus had to for eternity.’

I winced. ‘Bad move Seaweed Brain.’

‘Not half! Then I asked Reyna where her guest was because she said she was bringing one… Turns out she broke up with her boyfriend three days ago and nobody told me.’

‘At this point it’s almost a gift, Jackson…’

‘Will, I have no idea. He just showed up mad.’

I hid a smile, putting together the possessive behaviour from earlier and Nico’s defensiveness about being ‘close’ with Percy. _So, Percy’s the_ least _green-eyed person here._

‘Then Leo blew up on me… But I knew that was coming.’ He winced awkwardly. I was desperate to get the full Percy/Calypso/Leo story; it was clearly _way_ more involved than a love triangle, but I sensed it wasn’t quite the moment.

‘And I make five. Kinda. Not actually mad so you’re still at four for now.’ I shrugged, throwing the bag down the chute he opened.

‘Yeah?’

‘So… Why is your mom okay with hosting eleven extra demigods, even when they cut open reality, storm out as rodents or break her lamps?’

It was Percy’s turn to flush. ‘I guess she knew how much I wanted to try this.’

‘Fighting on Thanksgiving?’

‘Spending Thanksgiving with a huge group. Mom and I only had each other to trust when I was a kid; I thought it might be kinda nice to all hang out… And out of everyone in that room only Piper and Annabeth have anyone else to spend Thanksgiving with, and both of their dads have work stuff they can’t get out of… I thought it would be fun if we were all together.’ He smiled then, all easy-going and good-natured; almost childlike. I could kinda see why (by my reckoning) at least three people at this Thanksgiving party had fancied him at some point.

‘You’re really lucky to have her, you know?’

‘Believe me, I do.’


	6. I should've seen that coming

** Chapter Six: I should’ve seen that coming **

I hung back a moment to send a quick ‘I’m sorry’ text to Sam. She’d probably ignore it but I at least wanted her to know I’d regretted it right away. I followed Percy, trying not to dwell on the revelation that I’d apparently taken a five hour train journey to an apartment full of strangers because I didn’t want to spend two days without Magnus.

We ended up in bizarre loop around the table; Sally at the head with her children either side of her, then Paul and Annabeth, Magnus and Reyna, Me and Frank, Piper and Hazel, Leo and Nico and finally Calypso and Will. Weighing up the three immediate conversation options, I decided Frank was the safest. Sadly before that there was something else to pass.

‘We won’t say grace, as I don’t think anyone here is Christian.’ Sally announced. ‘But I _would_ like you all to share one thing you’re thankful for.’

I considered turning into a cheetah and bolting for the door. Beside me, Magnus looked like he was contemplating the same thing. (Inability to turn into a cheetah aside.)

‘I’ll go first… I’m thankful to have both my children here and _safe_.’ The emphasis on the last word made everyone who might have been considering running or joking reconsider. I distinctly heard Leo mutter in Spanish:

‘So much for giving thanks for sugar cream pie.’ (Reyna might have heard too as she glared down the table at him.)

‘I’m thankful that I know hair can be green now.’ Estelle fixed her eyes on my hair as she spoke. I glanced apologetically at Sally, who seemed to be trying not to laugh.

‘I’m thankful I graduated college without Wise Girl here murdering me.’ Percy grinned, completely at ease.

‘I’m thankful I never again have to proofread something Percy writes!’ Annabeth shot back, quick as a wink.

‘I’m thankful to have Sally, Percy and Estelle beside me for another year.’ Paul seemed to be trying to get things back on track. I could have warned Paul that was pointless when your next action is going to be expecting Magnus Chase to say something on around 35 seconds notice.

‘I’m thankful nobody I know died this year.’ Magnus blurted out, effectively killing the light mood Percy and Annabeth had made with their bickering. There was a long beat, more than one person around the table lowering their head, clearly thinking of someone they knew who’d died that year.

‘I’m thankful that we rebuilt Camp Jupiter, greater than ever.’ Reyna’s voice burned with patriotic glory. I am not a fan of patriotic glory.

‘I’m thankful…’ I began, hoping for some kind of inspiration. Even a convenient lie. I mean, one person here knew me, I’d get away with it. ‘for… um…’ Magnus took my hand under the table and squeezed it. At least one person knew.

When you’re homeless, you get sick of ‘thankful’. You’re supposed to be thankful for everything. People being kind enough _not_ to sneer in the streets. Every scrap of food and warmth you get. Everything that everyone else gets every day without thinking about, you’re supposed to be thankful for because you’re the undeserving ones.

 _It could be worse_. I got told that so many times.

It could be worse that my dad threw me out because he hated me; he could have killed me or sold me to a porn company. It could be worse that my first love committed suicide because at least I _knew_ what happened and he hadn’t just disappeared. It could be worse that I died because at least I got a nice afterlife compared to all the people who didn’t happen to die gloriously in battle.

Thankful is a way to get people to accept when things are shitty. The whole holiday is a tidal wave of gratitude to cover up a genocide this country was founded on but you can’t _say_ that because now it’s a day for family and who hates family? I glanced at Piper, who was so proud of her Cherokee heritage, and wondered how she felt about Thanksgiving. Annabeth and Magnus who’d last spent Thanksgiving together as their family fell apart and they lost each other for a decade.

‘I’m thankful for my sister. She always tries to help me… Even when I don’t make it easy.’ I managed eventually.

Frank was better. He had a way of talking that commanded attention. ‘I’m thankful for the continuing health of the Twelfth Legion.’

Piper raised her beautiful, tragic eyes and spoke clearly. ‘I’m thankful my dad is healthy and I still get to see him.’

Leo put his arm around her then, screwing his face up against some inner pain.

Hazel smiled a sweet smile. ‘I’m thankful that our camps are still united.’ I have _got_ to talk to these people more. What was that all about?

‘I’m thankful that Sunshine isn’t sick of me yet.’ Leo smiled weakly at Calypso.

‘I’m thankful the turkey isn’t blue.’ Nico laughed. Percy threw a bread roll at him.

‘ _Percy!_ ’ Sally chided him, shaking her head like he was a little boy, not a man in his twenties.

‘I’m thankful to be free.’ Calypso shuddered as she spoke.

‘I’m thankful my dad is back to being a god and not dead.’ Will ended things on a suitably weird note and everyone began passing around dishes.

‘Can someone catch me up? I feel like I’ve missed a lot.’  I was partly interested, partly glad of an excuse not to make conversation.

Everyone exchanged glances. Percy spoke first. ‘I guess for me it started when I accidentally vaporised my maths teacher.’

With certain parts tastefully alluded to for Estelle’s ears, I spent about the next five hours of my life being told one of the most complicated stories I’ve ever heard. And I have an eight legged horse, a cut-in-two goddess, a sociopathic wolf and a giant sea serpent for siblings.

It was kind of nice though, seeing them all break in over each other, adding background to each point of the story. Bit by bit, things started to make sense. Calypso’s comment about her freedom, the late Jason Grace, how a god became human… It was bizarre and kind of cool, particularly as they’d all gotten through it with very little dying.

While we were talking, we moved on from dinner to dessert; which was all blue. For all he’d given thanks the turkey was not, Nico was only slightly less excited than Percy about this. (A couple of hours later this also made sense.)

‘Okay…’ Percy took over once more as Will finished the tale of his father (Apollo) getting returned to godhood and had to, somewhat tearfully, bury himself in Nico’s shoulder. ‘That’s pretty much the exciting stuff with us… Your turn.’

Magnus looked so completely panicked, that I stepped in. ‘Okay, if you want the whole Jack saga you have to get Maggie here to fill you in, but I can take it from my side… it started when my dad was a cheating bastard’ I could say this as Estelle had been in bed for a few hours by then ‘and decided to sleep with a voluptuous red head.’ I only gave them the highlights, only as much Abuelo as was needed to understand Pottery Barn, nothing more than haziness on why I happened to be in the alley the day I died, very little Mummy Dearest except the story of the garrotte.

When we got to the part about Emptyleather and Magnus’ first hair cut, Frank finally asked.

‘So the talking sword can _sew_?’ which prompted Magnus to take the story from _his_ side. As usual, the way he told it, you’d think he’d barely done a thing, let alone delayed the destruction of Midgard three times in one year! I broke in over him occasionally, correcting this impression. Maybe worried over my little outburst on the roof, he seemed determined to glorify every moment I’d had in the whole affair so I also had to cut him off a few times before he tried to convince them I alone was equal to all the einherji in Valhalla.

By the time both tales were done, it was about three in the morning. Everyone began pulling out blankets and pillows and forming little sub clusters to sleep in. This varied from the subtlety of Frank laying below the sofa Hazel was sleeping on and her draping her arm over the edge to hold his hand, to Nico openly lying on top of Will. Reyna sat sleeping up, betraying more than she’d told of her personal life through two wars. Piper slipped a pair of headphones on. I only caught a brief glimpse of her screen but she seemed to be playing some kind of home recording. Calypso started the evening determinedly with her back to Leo, but the practiced ease with which he made space in his sleeping bag betrayed what he knew would happen. Percy spooned Annabeth, teasing her about her hair getting up his nose. It was uncomfortably crowded, reminding me of a shelter. One glance revealed Magnus felt the same and we slipped out onto the fire escape again.

‘Annabeth only told me about half of all that.’ Magnus whispered to me.

‘Yeah? You could have told me that half walking in!’ I elbowed him, grinning.

‘You managed fine.’ He nudged me back, smiling.

I avoided looking at him, suddenly nervous. It was bitter; New York isn’t much warmer in November than Boston, but my einherjar body bore it better than my human one ever had.

Magnus still took off his flannel overshirt and draped it around my shoulders. ‘You’re shivering.’

I turned his way. He was now in a thin t-shirt and jeans, his arms mostly bare. The fine hairs and goosebumps betrayed that, son of Frey or not, he was still cold. I shoved it back.

‘It’s your shirt.’

‘I can’t freeze to death!’

‘Then move up!’ I pressed myself into his side, soaking up his natural warmth.

‘…Let me guess, just because you’re cold?’ I glanced up, worried his face would be bitter. Instead he was smiling down at me, warm and amused.

‘…Little bit. Also because… it feels safer…’ I mumbled. It wasn’t quite _because I wanted to_ but he seemed touched anyway.

‘Mind if I get more comfortable?’ He waited for me to nod, then shifted, his back to the wall and pulled me onto his lap. ‘Alex?’

‘For the record, if you make a habit of this I’m going to hit you. Just because I’m a girl right now doesn’t mean you can treat me like _the girl_.’ I sassed him, smiling sweetly.

He ignored this, quite rudely. ‘I love you.’


	7. Magnus kills the mood (And Sally's houseplant)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, this chapter is slightly later and shorter due to my being ill. 
> 
> Also chapter specific warning: there is one use of explicit language

** Chapter Seven: Magnus kills the mood (and Sally’s houseplant) **

That could have led into a lovely moment. I could have said I loved him too, kissed him, even just smiling would have been better than what I _did_ do.

Panic and turn into a wolf.

_WHY WOULD I DO THAT?_

Magnus, naturally, panicked himself. When you’re petrified of wolves you have the right to expect your shapeshifter friends not to turn into wolves around you. Sam would never have done a thing like that, but as usual the slightest hint of panic and I go straight for the throat.

Magnus scrambled back inside the apartment so fast he tripped over Reyna. She leapt up and produced a golden spear which she levelled at me. I snarled reflexively but the part of my brain that was human was kinda impressed to realise she slept under the window to make herself the first line of defence against attackers. Like me. Oops.

‘ _DON’T!’_ Magnus’ voice rang out, spreading the Peace of Frey. Reyna’s spear went flying. Two daggers and a blowpipe shot out of Piper’s pockets. Leo and Calypso became buried under a mountain of tools. (Ten minutes in she’d already curled against his side.) Nico yelled like he’d just spotted Cupid as his freaky black sword flew away from him and killed a potted plant. The coat closet where the weapons had been having their sub-party emitted several ominous thuds.

I got enough composure to change back and tried to play it off as a joke.

‘You should see your faces!’

This was a mistake. Next thing I knew my face was slammed against the metal grille of the fire escape as Reyna had sprung out and slammed me down.

‘ _What the hell were you trying to do?’_ Reyna lapsed into Spanish, with a faint Puerto Rican accent. I replied in the same, minus the accent.

‘ _It was an accident!_ ’ I tried to find leverage to escape the pin but her grip was like iron. I could have shifted smaller to escape but I was afraid of being crushed. I could have shifted larger to break out but I was trying to convince them I _wasn’t_ actually trying to kill them all.

‘Reyna! Let him up!’ Piper, to my surprise, picked up that my gender had switched partway through the kerfuffle. It does tend to be more frequent when I’m otherwise unsettled.

‘Not until he gives me a valid reason for threatening us all as a wolf!’

‘He wasn’t threatening us! I startled her and she shifted by accident!’ Magnus had his slightly-alarmed, I-don’t-know-how-to-help voice on. If I hadn’t had an angry Roman general smushing my face, I might have told him _there’s no way you can take her, give up now._

‘Did you try and take advantage of her?’ Reyna’s voice took on a low threatening edge.

‘Magnus isn’t like that!’ Now Annabeth was involved, sounding incensed.

Alarmed by all the shouting (I’m guessing) Estelle Blofis began crying. This proved to be a piece of magic more powerful than the Peace of Frey as it summoned something _truly_ terrifying to the scene; a pissed off Sally Jackson.

‘Reyna, please let Alex up, Alex please stop threatening people regardless of your form and Magnus you better have cleared up this misunderstanding by the time I get out!’ She hissed before hurrying into Estelle’s bedroom.

Everyone turned to Magnus.

‘I gave Alex some unexpected news; when shapeshifters get startled – at least Norse ones – they change. I wasn’t expecting it and I kind of panicked but that’s all! I never meant to wake anyone up!’ He babbled.

‘Besides, he’s never taken advantage of me in his life… He wouldn’t have raised such a fuss if he wasn’t trying to save me from the freaky spear.’ I added.

‘My spear is not freaky!’

‘Why were you guys on the fire escape?’ Percy sat up wearily.

Magnus and I exchanged glances, neither of us wanting to say that we found the crowded room too uncomfortable to sleep in and were used to sleeping way rougher than a fire escape.

‘…I need air sometimes. Like earlier. Mags was just being sweet and keeping me company.’ I lied smoothly.

‘…Well you weren’t joking about that disarming trick.’ Will commented, rubbing Nico’s back.

‘Oh heck! _Jack_!’ Magnus sprinted to the coat closet.

‘NOT COOL SEÑOR! WE WERE ENJOYING A LOVELY MOOD UNTIL YOU PEACE OF FREY’D US EVERYWHERE! WHY DOES YOUR DAD KEEP TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE?!’

This silenced everyone. I’m pretty sure we were all wondering what constituted a ‘lovely mood’ for two swords in a coat closet. Percy looked a particularly freaked (probably because it was his sword Jack kept flashing runes at).

‘I’m sorry Jack, I just-’

‘Lost your head because Alex was in danger.’ Jack finished impatiently. ‘Again.’ Jack has never quite gotten over me being Magnus’ ‘secret weapon’ in the flyting. Luckily he also quite likes me.

‘Look… I’ll go sleep on the roof. Then any trouble will be well away from here.’ I offered.

‘Oh no.’ Sally came out of the little bedroom, having quietened Estelle. ‘You’d freeze… If you need more space why don’t you take an extra sleeping bag into the kitchen?’

‘Okay I just… need to talk to Mags first.’ I sincerely hoped I wasn’t blushing.

‘That sounds like an _excellent_ idea.’ Piper spoke up before anyone else could. Perhaps because she was a child of Aphrodite, they all believed her.

‘I’m sorry.’ Magnus spoke as soon as we reached the roof, wanting to be away from any eavesdroppers. ‘I thought since you said… it would be okay if I did.’

‘Yeah… So did I.’ I flopped down, legs no longer wanting to give me support.

‘Not sure I’m following…’ He sat next to me tentatively.

‘Okay so… Eighteen people in my whole life have told me they loved me. Not counting you. Sixteen of those people were manipulating me and the other two died.’ I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the concern on his face. ‘And I figured if it was you I’d be fine, because you _aren’t_ manipulating me, or able to die of old age or suicidal. Except you said it and I wasn’t okay.’

‘I think I get it… It’s like I always want to bolt if someone says ‘I know a place where you’ll be safe’… Even Annabeth, I finally found her again and almost ran because of that.’ He placed his hand on mine and squeezed. ‘So… You said I don’t know what you want… Feel like telling me?’

‘Why don’t you tell me first.’ I shot back. _Dammit, I can’t cut him any slack._

‘Okay.’ Magnus coloured uncomfortably. ‘I want to keep being close to you.’

‘Is that all?’ I glared at him, daring him to lie.

‘Of course not. It’s pretty much the most important though. I don’t want to chase the other things if there’s a chance I lose that.’ He sighed then.

I suddenly realised he looked tired. Mr. Picture-of-health, sweet summer child. I was lashing out at him until I cut him down this far.

I curled into a ball then, hiding my face in my knees.

‘Alex? You okay?’

‘No! I’m not fucking okay!’ I roared. There was a kerfuffle of woken-up pigeons (Wakened? Awoken?) fleeing and knocking something on the fire escape below. ‘I _know_ how much of this is my fault but by the gods Magnus! You’re the mind reader, not me! I can’t just touch your hand and know what you need, you need to _tell_ me sometimes!’

‘Okay _fine!_ ’ His eyes started to burn silvery. ‘I love you. You are literally the best thing in my entire life, real and Einherjar. Yeah, sometimes I think ‘I wish we could date properly’ or ‘Are we exclusive?’ but for the most part… I love you how you _are_ Alex. You are… the biggest mess of contradictions I’ve ever seen. You’re selfish but generous, you have no attention span but laser focus, you pull me close and push me away… I don’t _want_ you to change for me!’

‘It’s the same for me, _moron_!’ I grabbed his face to make him look at me. ‘I like you like this. I like the big dork who overthinks everything and tries to do what’s best for everyone… But I don’t want to _be_ part of everyone. I want to be the person you depend on, the person you don’t _have_ to be Mr. Considerate around _all_ the time.’

Magnus went crimson then. Sensibly, this would be the juncture where we would calm down and continue our conversation with less shouting. Naturally, being the kind of reckless idiots who die gloriously in battle, instead of doing this Magnus grabbed hold of me and kissed me.

Instead of pulling back and suggesting the sensible option, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.


	8. Cutie and Maka start a cult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warnings:  
> Brief mentions of suicide and body dysmorphia

** Chapter Eight: Cutie and Maka start a cult **

I’m not going to lie; I was hoping for some action. Magnus is hot at the worst of times and this was his absolute best; breath-taking heat that shakes you to your core but a softness and sweetness that encases you so you aren’t shaken apart. We were making out for a few minutes, getting steadily shorter on breath until I pulled away from his mouth to kiss along his jaw. Believe it or not, it was a new experiment on my part; we’d never really gone further than tongues before.

Magnus went slightly stiff and gently pulled me back.

‘We should go back inside… I know it’s crowded but Sally’s right. I don’t want you to freeze.’

‘Oh… Sure.’ For once in my life, I was speechless to argue. Call me conceited but… I wasn’t exactly used to getting brushed off, especially by Magnus.

_Yeah but you’re a guy right now aren’t you? Tolerance is one thing but if Magnus is straight…_

The idea hadn’t really occurred to me lately. Maybe at first… enough to scare me into not making a move until I thought we were going to die. Then I knew I’d fucked up kissing him without checking so I waited until I was a guy to kiss him again and he’d kissed me back without hesitating so I’d thought… I thought he liked it anyway. So I never had the “Are you bi or pan or what?” talk with him. It tended to lead to the relationship talk which, as you have hopefully noticed by now, I’m not great with.

Now I regretted that.

_Guess I can just… wait…_

Even as I thought it, I knew that wasn’t happening. Anyone I date has to be into me, not just me when I’m convenient.

I shut them all out when we got back inside. Just curled into a ball in a corner of the kitchen, garotte clasped in my hand, and faked sleep until it turned real.

_I was back in damp, abandoned apartment we’d squatted in, caught nude for the first time._

_‘Alex… you can just… change?’ Adrian stared in shock at my breasts, reflexively checking his own were still bound down._

_‘Y-yeah… it’s a long story…’ I sat down and explained it all and he took it all in._

_‘You’re so lucky… That’s an amazing gift…’ He murmured. ‘May I?...’_

_We were happy then. For about another week._

_‘Adrian? You aren’t getting out of bed?’_

_‘I’m not lucky like you. I can’t just make myself right.’_

_He was dead by the time I got home._

‘ALEX!’

I woke up, struggling to breathe. Someone had draped a blanket over me at some point. Magnus was kneeling in front of me, calling me out of my dreams. I couldn’t see him properly, he was blurred and my eyes seemed to be stinging horribly.

‘Is he okay?’ Someone’s voice. Percy’s?

‘She’ll be fine… Keep everyone out of the kitchen please…’ Magnus lightly touched my shoulder. ‘Alex…’

I grabbed onto him and pressed my face into his chest, checking his heart was still beating, muddling dreams and reality, Adrian and Magnus. He wrapped his arms around me, warm and safe and _alive_.

For now. If I didn’t ruin his life too.

‘You’re trembling… Do you feel sick?’

‘Nightmare.’ I managed to gasp.

He went quiet then, understanding. We have a policy with nightmares, since we’re both so prone to them. It’s the only time we share a sleeping space; forgoing our beds to curl up in the grass in the atrium. I wasn’t sure what the rules would be here in his cousin’s girlfriend’s kitchen but Magnus just shifted slightly so we were both wrapped in the blanket.

We also have a policy that it’s not crying if it’s after a nightmare. I don’t know for sure what Magnus’ are about; but he calls out ‘Mom!’ a lot. I’m not sure if I talk in mine. Magnus hasn’t ever said but I’ve never told him he calls for his mother. Or how often he begs people not to hurt his friends anymore.

This time I slept more peacefully but it was still before dawn when I woke up. I crept to the bathroom, hopefully not waking anyone. (There were so many of them on high alert, that may not have been possible.) When I slipped out, I noticed the front door was open a chink and – more suspiciously – the flashing of a disco sword.

‘Dammit all Jack!’ I muttered and crept out after him.

I walked out on Jack, Riptide, Hazel, Nico, Reyna and Nico and Reyna’s weapons in some kind of circle, solemnly conversing.

‘…Are you guys starting a cult?’ I hissed, more creeped out than I cared to realise.

‘Jack’s doing some translation for us… And trying to teach. Reyna has some level of Telumkinesis as a daughter of Bellona, so we’re hoping she might be able to learn how to talk to weapons.’ Hazel explained. ‘And as a daughter of Pluto, as well as a witch, I might be able to learn too.’

‘I probably can’t, but this sword has saved me a lot… If I can get to know him better, I’d like to.’ Nico shrugged.

‘Yo _Señorita_. You wake up to pee? Want me to sing “Let it go” to encourage you?’ Jack offered nobly.

‘Don’t worry Jack. The toilet quest was successful.’ I assured him, having given up a long time ago trying to explain that “Let it go” was _not_ about going to the toilet.

Jack bobbed in acquiescence and turned his attention back to Reyna. ‘Now come on. You’re more familiar with Cutie than I am.’

‘Cutie? I thought you were all about Riptide, Jack.’ I teased.

Jack bobbed around indignantly. ‘I _am_. Reyna’s spear-sword is named Percutio! They can’t be Percy, because Percy is Percy, so they have to be Cutie.’

This logic was so inescapable that even Reyna seemed to have serenely accepted that from now on she would be the Cutie-Wielder.

‘And that there is Ψυχοφάγος.’ Jack pointed at Nico’s sword.

‘Sicko what now?!’

‘Soul Eater basically. We’ve negotiated, I’m calling him Maka.’ Nico shrugged.

My lips twitched. ‘Since you’re Death the Kid, shouldn’t he be Thompson?’

‘We liked that less.’ He grinned, confirming the reference.

‘So… That still raises the question of why the “Weapons have souls too” peace conference is taking place in the hallway at four am.’

‘Not enough room in the coat closet.’

‘You’re interrupting my concentration.’ Reyna grumbled.

‘Oh Reyna…’ I shook my head. ‘You poor naïve girl.’

Before Reyna could express her outrage, she saw what I meant. Jack kindly began helping her concentrate by means of his favourite communication song; Body Language. Occasional words aside, I can confirm Jack indeed does not speak Spanish, Japanese or French.

‘Well, I need a drink and can’t talk weapon anyway so I’ll go back in with Alex!’ Nico said hastily.

‘Using me for your escape and abandoning your friends? Stone cold.’ I whispered as we crept in.

‘My Jesse McCartney tolerance is low at the best of times. At four am it’s zombie-army low.’ Nico shrugged. Anyone else would have been definitely joking. Nico was probably joking but entirely feasibly serious. I wasn’t about to test it.

‘Hey your nightmare earlier… It wasn’t a prophetic one right? We’re not going to get attacked by giants or Draugr or the Nidhogg?’ Nico narrowed his broken-glass eyes.

‘Don’t freak… I was dreaming of the past, not the future.’ I got ready to give him a back off glare but he stopped pushing. Maybe he just wasn’t interested.

‘…Did Will freak you out earlier with the questions?’ Nico asked as he poured out two glasses of water and pushed one toward me.

‘…Nah, it happens all the time. You probably get it too right? ‘I’ve never met a gay guy before, what’s it like, how did you know, when did you come out, who tops?’…’ I listed off the usual string of questions.

‘Better that than ‘God will punish people like you.’…’ Nico’s eyes dulled with pain. He’d told me the least of his story but one detail that had slipped out when Hazel expanded on her past was that they were both children out of time, born decades ago… And Nico seemed to be Italian…

 _Oh_.

‘Figured it out?’ He smiled wryly at me. ‘I’ll take the dumb questions any day. Even ‘Can we see you kiss?’… It’s better than being despised.’

‘Sorry… I didn’t mean to stir things up…’

‘It’s always ‘stirred up’… I don’t think my own mother could have stood it if she’d known. Bianca always warned me not to tell her.’ Nico ran a hand impatiently through his hair. ‘It’s stupid. I’m not going to be ashamed of who I am.’ The unspoken _anymore_ hung heavy between us.

‘Look on the bright side; your boyfriend’s at least bi, if not gay.’ I quipped, still feeling the pressure on my shoulders where Magnus had pushed me back.

‘Gay I think… He’s never said but he only checks out guys…’ Nico flushed slightly and he muttered. ‘Stupid flirt. Yet _he’s_ the one getting all jealous and huffy.’

‘Oh my gods, I have no patience for the tsundere shctick.’

‘ _Who the hell is tsundere?!’_ Nico hissed, denying it like any good tsun. I tried not to laugh.

‘Did you bite his head off when he asked you out?’

‘I asked him actually.’ Nico flipped me off. ‘Now who’s making assumptions?’

‘Touche…’

‘So you don’t have that… What do they call it… Gaydar or whatever?’ Nico pulled a face.

‘Don’t think it really exists… You can sometimes work stuff out from watching someone but really it’s more about the person being watched than the person doing the watching.’ I sipped my drink and thought for an example. ‘Take Reyna… I have no idea what her deal is, guys, girls, sock puppets… it’s a mystery.’

‘Sock puppets?’

‘Something an old friend used to say. Funnier than ‘deviant’.’ I shrugged. ‘Whereas Piper… She’s here single too but I can definitely say she likes guys and not definitively say how she feels about girls.’

‘I don’t think Piper’s bi…’

‘Could be pan; love is love to her and she’s pretty deep into her Cherokee stuff… A lot of native tribes didn’t actually have a heteronormative worldview.’

‘You talk very… progressive.’ Nico pulled a face.

‘If you call me a millennial snowflake I will choke you.’ I warned him.

‘I just… Don’t like putting it in words. I don’t even like ‘gay’ it’s just… short and simple enough for me to deal.’ Nico hunched his shoulders.

I deflated. ‘Don’t like the labels… Well, I can get that…’

We were both quiet for a moment.

‘Is it as simple as that worldview thing though?’ Nico asked suddenly.

‘Is what now?’

‘You sounded like you thought Piper’s connection to her dad’s side made her more likely to be pan-whatever. Growing up around normal people didn’t change me.’ Nico refilled his glass, frowning to himself again.

‘…My family has a… connection… that supports my fluidity. I suppose I wondered if other things could be too.’ I shrugged, not wanting to talk too much about the Fierros.

‘That’s more a god thing though.’ Nico pointed out. ‘Like… Among Camp Half Blood the percentage of bi kids is _way_ disproportionate in the Apollo and Aphrodite cabins. And among demigods generally, more likely if that aspect is involved in conception… About 90% of the gay Athena kids are ones with a mortal mom.’

_My fluidity vs Sam’s tenacity… The aspect Loki was embracing at the time of conception…_

My hand twitched before I could stop it and the glass exploded against the wall.

‘…I’ll replace that. And clean it up.’ I was about to do this when the tap turned itself on and attacked my face.


	9. I talk Estelle out of green hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, mentions of sexual situations

** Chapter Nine: I talk Estelle out of green hair **

It took twelve seconds for Percy to realise who I was and stop trying to kill me.

It took me two of those seconds to realise the water had me pinned, two more to realise I couldn’t breathe at all and five to work my garotte free to lash out.

‘Ah. Alex, again.’ Percy sighed, letting me down. I had a feeling if Magnus got any more invitations they would be with the caveat ‘but _please_ don’t bring anyone’.

‘Come on, this one was more your fault. You tried to drown her.’ Nico piped up.

‘I heard a smash and woke up to see you armed and backing away from someone in a kitchen!’ Percy protested.

‘Oh, that’s just Maka and I bonding. Did you know he and Riptide are old friends?’ Nico smirked.

Percy shook his head, waved a hand sending all the excess water back into the sink and trudged back in, telling everyone it was a false alarm.

‘Thanks.’ I muttered, wringing out my hair into the sink.

‘For what? It’s not like he’d throw you out.’ Nico looked around, frowning. ‘We’re just all a bit freaked out. We haven’t all gotten together like this since before…’

‘Jason Grace?’

‘Yeah.’ As Nico spoke, Maka shivered slightly.

‘Sounds like everyone was pretty fond of him.’

‘You can’t go through that much with someone without getting closer to them… And he was a good guy.’ Nico sighed, taking over cleaning up the shattered glass. ‘I was never very much to him but he was a good friend to me.’

‘Oi. Enough with the self-depreciation, it’s bad for your health.’ Will came over, tossing me a towel before starting to gently dry Nico’s hair with another. He spoke lightly but I could see a hint of real fear in his eyes. From his stories earlier, I guessed that after the Underworld excursion, the chance of Nico simply fading into shadows was higher.

‘You two are a _weird_ couple.’ I commented, perching on the counter and wondering where Magnus was.

‘I know, luckily he decided to settle.’ Will quipped.

Nico caught his arms, stopping the towelling and peered out from the cotton folds, his eyes softer than I’d seen. ‘Not settling.’

‘I love you too. Now quit staying up all night, you’re going to get sick again.’

‘I’m not made of _china_!’

‘That’s a horrible analogy. China can’t get sick, it’s inanimate.’

‘You’re avoiding the point!’

‘You caught a cold by touching a snowman without gloves on!’

‘ _It was a cursed snowman!’_

I watched this argument with interest, trying to figure out who it reminded me of. The heights seemed off and the light/dark contrast… Ah. Blitzen and Hearthstone, having one of their arguments over which of them needed to take better care of themselves. (Spoiler alert: It’s always both, and usually Magnus to boot.)

They even had a similar pre-kiss ritual although I doubt theirs had anything to do with being deaf; just like Blitz does, Will caught Nico’s face in both hands, locked eyes for a few moments and only then leaned in to capture his lips. Nico even did the same thing Hearth still does of flapping his hands for a moment before holding on.

I went to nudge Magnus and sign to ask if he’d seen this but he still wasn’t there. Now starting to get worried, I hopped down and padded back into the living room. Thanks to her headphones, Piper had slept through it all, Frank was freaking out a little looking for Hazel (I stopped to tap his shoulder and say ‘Hall’.), Percy and Annabeth were gone too and Leo and Calypso had given up sleep for favour of building a city out of Estelle’s bricks.

‘Seen Magnus?’ I asked them, still whispering since the mortals of the household should still be asleep.

Leo looked up at me and smiled crookedly. ‘He asked Annabeth to talk to him up on the roof. He’s a real perching bird; if he had archery skills I’d call him Hawkeye.’

‘I’ll leave them be then… Stay out of the kitchen, it’s become the make out room.’ I grinned back.

‘It’s the _what_?’ Paul raced across the living room.

‘Oops…’ I winced.

‘Honestly, it’s a nice change you being the unlucky one this weekend instead of me.’ Leo smiled wryly.

‘That’s because I’ve been keeping you out of trouble.’ Calypso rumpled his curls fondly.

‘True trouble cannot be kept.’ I sighed dramatically.

‘Is that why you never sit still?’ Percy’s voice made me jump. He’d snuck up behind us, carrying Estelle who looked wide awake and was still looking at my hair.

I grinned sheepishly. ‘Can’t seem to quit the fidgets.’

‘Me neither.’

‘Mommy _lied_!’ Estelle shrieked, catching all of our attention. ‘She _said_ the green wash out like crayon but Alex hair wet _and_ green!’

‘That’s because I undertook a dangerous quest to turn it green… Would you like to hear?’ Elaborate half-truths began spilling out through my head, weaving into a story.

‘Yes!’

‘It started with some pottery.’

‘Some pottery?’

‘Some pottery.’

‘Not a prophecy?’

‘No, just pottery. I was making it in my bedroom and I worked very hard on it, so hard that I fell into a deep deep sleep without remembering to lock my door. The wicked king came into my room while I slept and the pottery displeased him, because he’d ruled that all pottery should be plain and dull and mine was a two-faced figure. So he snatched me out of my bed and dragged me down to dungeon and roared ‘No more silly pots, not ever! You have to be normal!’ and locked the door…’ I kept my eyes on her face, making sure she wasn’t getting too scared. I should have looked around more. ‘At first, I thought the king would forgive me, but it got darker and darker and nobody came to let me out or even bring me a light or a snack.’

‘Did you cry?’

‘Yes. I was very scared. I wished very hard for someone to save me but I knew there was nobody.’

‘But what about your Mommy and Daddy?’

I had to think quickly. ‘Well… My Mommy was trapped by a nasty snake and my Daddy was sealed away by the evil king. So, I wiped my tears and realised I had to get out by myself. There was a small, high window in the dungeon so I dragged and piled the boxes so I could reach.’ I almost added an embellishment about how the bruises on my arms had throbbed but she was only three. Cushy version. ‘I climbed on the boxes and pushed and pushed the window until it opened.’ Smashed it probably would have set a bad example… ‘And I crawled through.’

‘But what does that have to do with green hair?’ Estelle frowned.

‘Ah… I knew that even if I got out of the dungeon, the king would be able to find me again. I needed something to make me brave so that I never wasted time crying again. So I travelled many many blocks to a bold bright palace, filled with marvellous treasures. One of the rooms had hair colours of all kinds, but I knew which one I wanted…’

‘GREEN! Because it’s the best!’ She shrieked, getting into the story now.

‘Exactly. But first I had to trade all the gold I’d gathered, and crawl into a dark, hot steamy space. It smelled _so_ bad I could barely breathe and my whole head burned like nit shampoo but _one thousand_ times worse.’

Estelle gasped satisfactorily.

‘As I crawled out into the light, the king saw me again.’

‘NO!’

‘And he said to me: ‘So, this is your choice?’ and I told him ‘Yes. I will never be afraid of you again!’… The end.’ I smiled brightly.

Estelle grabbed Percy’s t-shirt. ‘I don’t want green hair! I don’t want the bad smell and the dungeon and a thousand nit shampoos!’

‘It’s okay.’ His voice sounded odd and when I looked at him instead of Estelle, I saw that his eyes were burning with rage. ‘You don’t have to have green hair.’

 _Was I too scary?_ I fidgeted uncomfortably and waited until he carried her off to whisper to Leo and Calypso. ‘I don’t really deal with little kids much, did I scare her too much? I figured they wanted her off the green track…’

Calypso stared at me like I was an idiot.

‘Alex…’ Leo spoke unusually carefully. ‘You know that… Well, Percy’s old step-dad was a bit like your ‘evil king’, right?’

I gritted my teeth. ‘I don’t need to be pitied. Literally whole point of the story was ‘I can handle it’.’

‘You shouldn’t have to handle it! Adults are supposed to take care of kids not barge around making it worse and calling them _el diablo_!’ Leo’s fist clenched around a brick. Colourful goo dripped out of it and steamed on his pant leg.

Calypso kissed his cheek, murmuring to him. I could have made out the words if I’d listened but I knew this was a private moment so I stepped back.

_I’m such an idiot. Avoid outing myself in the big story telling session then do it making up a fairy tale for a three year old._

I sat on one of the vacated sofas, suddenly tired. I’d probably only slept a couple of hours in all. The big window leading to the fire escape opened and I leaned forward, waiting for the familiar shock of blond hair and soulful gray eyes.

‘Aww look, your sun’s come out.’ Nico snorted with laughter. (Possibly pissed off about Paul interrupting his kiss thinking it was a make out session.)

‘Shut up, I’m not that bothered.’ I snapped.

‘Tell that to your face. You literally beamed.’ He smirked.

Anger flooded through me. I’d had enough of Greek demigods and their weird powers and their insistence on sharing and their wide open futures. I’d had enough of Magnus and his unassuming ways of creeping into people’s heads and hearts and defences. I’d had enough of being feared and pitied.  

So when Magnus sat next to me and tried to put his hand on mine I slapped it away instead of just shaking my head like usual.

‘Alex?’

‘Oh sure, you’re happy enough to be all over me _now_ aren’t you? Well sorry for the inconvenience but this isn’t a permanent state of affairs!’ I considered forcing my body to male just to make a point.

Colour flooded Magnus’ cheeks. ‘We need to talk about that, I know… I just didn’t think you’d want to do it here…’

‘Maybe I don’t want to do it at all! You’re so keen to figure out what I want, ever think that might not be you!’ I knew that wasn’t true. _He_ knew that wasn’t true, it was less than twelve hours ago I told him I’m in love with him. I just wanted to hurt him, to remind everyone I was dangerous.

‘All the time.’ Instead of backing down he trapped me with his sad gray eyes and ripped into me right back. ‘I… _never_ know where I stand. Sometimes I think you just tolerate me…’ He smiled that sarcastic smile of his, the one that seemed to see through all the falseness in the world. ‘So I know how last night felt. Please, hear me out? At least when you’re ready.’

‘Now or never.’

‘ _Here?’_

‘Roof.’

At this point, I think I’d spent more of the break up here than in the Jackson’s apartment. (I could _not_ think of it as Blofis.)

We sat, a few feet apart, both rigid and tense. _He hates this as much as I do at least._

‘So…’ Magnus took a deep breath. ‘You know my touch thing, right?’

‘What, that when you heal you read minds? Yes, it’s the worst thing about you.’ I snarked.

He rolled his eyes. ‘No, the not liking to be touched thing.’

I stared at him. ‘Wait, what?’

Magnus ran a hand through his hair. ‘I know I thought you were the exception but-’

‘Since when do you not like touching?! Magnus, you offer more hugs than a sweaty ‘nice guy’ at an idol anime meet!’ Worry burrowed in my stomach. He’d always seemed so calm and happy with being touched. How many times had I sent him into a panic by jumping him from behind or waking him up with kisses?

‘Since… always? I wasn’t great even as a kid. It got a lot worse when I was homeless, obviously.’ We’d never really talked about both living on the streets. It was a protective thing for me; now I kinda wondered if _Magnus_ would have liked an understanding ear to unload into. I actually didn’t _know_ how bad things had gotten for him. I didn’t know if he’d ever run into a drug gang, a pedo, a corrupt cop looking for a punching bag. And I didn’t know how much he really knew about me. I was so worried about what he’d seen in my head, I rarely told him anything extra.

‘I… I didn’t know. Y’know… The hug thing.’ I mumbled.

‘Ah.’ Magnus’ face clouded over. ‘…When I was a kid, my mom and I always hugged when we first woke up. Just for a couple of seconds but… every day. Until I turned thirteen. Then I told her I was too old for that.’ His eyes filled and he dropped his head to hide the tears. ‘I missed out on three hundred and sixty five of them. I didn’t even let her have one on Mother’s Day or her birthday.’ He looked up at me and said simply. ‘People aren’t there with you forever. So… Even if it’s hard and embarrassing, I want the people I love now to know I love them. I want to show them.’

I crawled over and held him tight. ‘She knew.’

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both pretending Magnus wasn’t crying for his mother into the sweater I now desperately needed to change.

‘So… if you didn’t know I don’t always like being touched, why did _you_ think I needed yesterday to stop?’ Magnus asked when he finally calmed down.

‘Because…’ I blushed. ‘I was a guy then, you know? Accepting how I am and being attracted to men aren’t the same thing.’

‘Alex…’ Magnus was blushing now too. ‘I get it… I… I don’t actually know if I’m bi or pan or even demi-ace…’ Huh. He actually _does_ read up on shit I tell him to look up. ‘I’m attracted to you. I’m attracted to you as a girl and as a guy.’

‘Are you though? Or do you just want to be? Because you said yourself, you thought I was an exception to the touch thing until a guy wanted to pass first base with you.’ I sighed. ‘And I _like_ looking androgynous. I like being the one who defines whether I’m manly or womanly at any given time. Not all the time, sometimes I want one or the other but… there aren’t a lot of times your brain can’t think ‘Well he’s just that girly.’…’

‘I have dreams about sucking you off. It’s not just when you’re a girl.’ Magnus’ sudden switch from hesitant to blunt had _me_ blushing.

‘Okay so… What now?’ I leant against him.

‘I think… Maybe… It would be easier if we could experiment with stuff at the hotel? Because here doesn’t really feel safe, and if we’re both thinking about _that_ , who’s watching our backs?’ Magnus was bright red.

‘…Fine, but I’m still holding you to a test. I’m not having a boyfriend who’s repulsed by my dick.’ I warned him.

‘But you might want a boyfriend?’ He smiled wryly at me.

‘Were you even listening last night?! I want you, you big dork.’ I kissed his cheek, light enough and obvious enough that he could pull away if he wanted to.

He didn’t want to.

My boyfriend is cute like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thank you to every one who took the time to read this to the end! I was extremely nervous about approaching a multi-chapter work, particularly as I wasn't sure of where I was going with it; hence why some of the tagged characters and pairings got little to no screen time! 
> 
> I could go on with this fic, and honestly I'm tempted, but this fic is all Alex's POV, meant to be set over a thanksgiving and rated T. I have follow ups I'd like to write but some are focused on other characters and a fairly big part of what follows for Alex and Magnus is them navigating the physical difficulties of their officially dating; something easier done if I have room to be a little more explicit. I hope, if I do release any sequels, some of you would like to read those too.


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